September 14th, 2005
|michelleann68||09:44 pm - Pony Update|
"PonyMadwoman and PonyGreenEyes appear lost!" PonyWill whined. "Does anyone know where they are? They went off and met that Victor Garber dude and no one's seen them since!" "I bet it's that PonySurprise," PonyWhiteThunder growled as she exited a Thornton's Chocolate shop. She paused
for a moment to fight off the mad rush of chocolate-starved ponies. "You're right!" PonyChocolate Delights agreed, munching on a slab of
dark chocolate. She had to sublimate somehow, after all."Let's look into our crystal ball and see if we can find them!" PonySunshine Blue suggested. The
PonyPosse stopped eating for a moment to look into the ball.
PonyWill sidled closer. These girl ponies hadn't given him any chocolate and he had a definite liking for chocolate. Or rather, PonyJack had a definite way with licking the chocolate...Soon, he told himself, soon I will be reunited with PonyJack and his talented ponytongue. PonyWill stole a piece of chocolate and hid it in his very own pony pack.
"Oh good lord!" PonyMistyrain exclaimed in disgust as she looked into the ponyball which had located the missing members of the ponyposse having a very good pony time of it.
"It's ponyunbelievable." PonySunshineBlue cried a little.
"They've been led astray by the California lifestyle!" PonyPackers wrinkled her midwestern nose in dismay. If you couldn't stay true to Brett Favre...
"Look at PonySurprise in the back of that limo."
Is that a HOT TUB?" PonyDaisySweet asked eagerly. She looked over at PonyWill, who began to ponyperspire. The ponyposse was making him nervous once again. He couldn't get wet, not with the ladies. PonyJack would be most unhappy about that, then again, when PonyJack got ponypossessive, good times were had by all....
"A hot tub? Uh-oh, Irina likes the hot tub." PonySonorityAngel whispered in worry. "We can't have Irina getting near Jack or that will greatly delay the story--"
"Different story. Get with the ponyprogram," PonyPackers noted. "There are no Irinas in this one."
"Oops, I got confused." PonySonority Angel admitted. "I just spent the weekend in bejewled ponyshoes and it's dazzled me."
"Speaking of dazzling, look at those hunks!" PonyLuckyStar whistled.
"It's getting warm. Where's my Diet Coke?" PonyMistyRain asked, looking in her ponypack.
"Will Vanilla Diet Coke do?" PonyPrancers asked, holding out a pony bottle.
"And look at PonyGreenEyes on that one guy's shoulders," PonySweetiePie looked closely indeed. One of those California guys looked strangely like the version of Will seen in another story set in London and Paris. How odd
"But where is PonyMadwoman?" PonyLuckyStar asked, searching.
"She's gotta be there somewhere..." PonySunshineBlue also searched, gazing into the ball.
"Maybe she's in the hot tub or somewhere in the car." PonySonorityAngel suggested.
"Why can't we see her, then?" PonyStarShine asked in increasing concern. "Where could she be? Maybe she's unconscious from eating too many finger sandwiches at the gardens!"
"I'm too innocent to conjecture as to the likelihood of her activities at this time. I will only do so if served with a writ of habeus poneus," PonySweetTorts retorted.
"Wait, who is that driving the limo?" PonyMistyRain asked in shock.
"Don't they know who's driving?" PonyWhiteThunder shrieked, the size of her voice more than making up for her small stature. "It's horrible--"
"Terrible!" PonyChocolateDelights reared back in shock and reached for some musk candy to calm herself down.
"No good!" PonyLuckyStar shook her head.
"Very bad..." PonyWill agreed. Now, if he were very bad with PonyJack, then good things happened. The ties, the bandanas....good things, indeed.
"Oh my horse!" PonySweetiePie gasped and reached for a chocolate-covered maple bar.
"It's a bunny," PonyOceanView sobbed.
"Oh no! Bunnies are evil creatures, how could this happen?" PonyWhiteThunder wailed because wail was alliterative with white which is wildly important.
"They must be so distracted by the California beefcake in the back that they can't see how they've been led astray!"
"Call in the reinforcements." PonyChocolateDelights demanded, stomping her ponyhoof.
"Yes. The evil bunny must be destroyed!" PonyLuckyStar raised her fist.
"Silvilagus floridanus do have their place in the ecosystem," PonyHoneyRose intoned, lifting her nose from her tree book.
"Yes, as fertilzer for the next growth of trees...." PonyMistyRain said then with a sob added, "Or that's what PonyGreenEyes would say if she had not been led astray by that swank and suave California lifestyle."
"I'm on the ponyredphone..." PonyOceanView "Yes, yes, immediately. Send in the biggest pony you can find!"
The ponies looked back into their crystal ball and heaved a sigh of relief. Ponyhelp had arrived in a big ponyfashion.
The bunny had been removed.
But no pony was safe until the bunny was eradicated. Back through the gardens they went, looking for the bunny.
PonyGreenEyes slowly woke up from her beefcake and good weather-induced trance and leapt into action.
"Where is the bunny? Let me at 'im, let me at 'im!" PonyGreenEyes called out, running after the bunny.
"Hey, this isn't the Wizard of Oz!" PonyMadWoman exclaimed. "Let's not get lost in the forest here! But wait, aren't those
"No, they're roses!"
"Oddly, the scientific name for the rose is unusually close to its vernacular name -- Rosa for rose." PonyHoneyRose preened with her scientific knowledge as she looked into the ball. "Isn't that fascinating?"
"Sure," all of the ponyposse agree with a roll of their eyes.
"It's okay, PonyHoneyRose," PonyWill whispered. "Sometimes they don't listen to me either."
"Yeah, sure. Want some more cream rubbed on your chest?" PonyHoneyRose asked, reaching into her ponypack.
"I want PonyJack!" PonyWill nickered and backed away slowly. He didn’t know which way to turn. He was afraid to turn his backside to the posse. They were a little too interested. But if he turned to face them, then he could see their faces and the looks on them, which were a little too hungry at times. PonyJack, PonyWill sobbed silently. Save me! And now they’re off killing bunnies?
“Did they get the bunny?” PonySweetTort asked, pulling open her briefcase. “Is it time to write up a defense for bunnymurder1?”
“Nonsense!” PonyPackers scoffed. “Everyone in the midwest knows that one can shoot bunnies on sight or use any means, although....”
PonySunshineBlue pointed into the ball, which was growing a little dim. “Here in Canada, eh, we eat bunnies. Guess PonyGreenEyes’ enforced sojourn in Wisconsin, which is close to Canada, eh? Has affected her eating habits.”
"PonyGreenEyes, PonyMadWoman!" PonyMistyRain yelled out. "Come to...."
"We're losing the connection!" PonyMadWoman frowned. "Let me get out a gadget. I've got a million of them! Where's my phone? Where's my wireless connection? Where's my walkietalkie? Where is everything?"
PonyGreenEyes tapped her foot. "Perhaps you should have thought of that when you were, um, swimming in the hot tub."
"I wasn't swimming, I was...." PonyMadWoman sniffed. "Well, not all the time. Sometimes I was walking."
"Yes and no doubt getting distracted by the view in front of you. I heard all about you're getting distracted by the view of someone's rear end at the Memory Walk last year and at the rate we're going you won't make this year's---"
"Which way should we go, which way should we go?" PonySurprise interrupted the other two, who were once again getting distracted by Victor Garber, which does happen, of course. Especially if he's wearing black.
Where were we?
"Oh yeah," PonyMadWoman noted. "We need to find the rest of the ponyposse!"
"Which way?" PonyGreenEyes asked, then looked up and saw a sign. How fortuitous!
"Oh no," PonyWhiteThunder groaned. "They're going west, into the Pacific?"
"That's the wrong way!" PonyPackers complained.
"Well," PonyWill noted. "Perhaps they'll find the perfect island for a couple's not quite honeymoon. I, for one, am looking forward to applying sunscreen to--"
"I have a cream for that!" PonyHoneyRose called out.
"Uh-oh..." PonyWill mumbled and used his ponypack to cover his ponyparts.
The missing members of the PonyPosse, currently adrift in the ocean, asked everyone they met for help. In Hawaii, they met a fish.
“Ponies?” the fish bubbled. “I only know about sea horses. Not ponies. A sea horse is small enough, I can’t imagine how small a sea pony would be. Microscopic, I would think.
Maybe you’re thinking of plankton. But no. That’s a character on SpongeBob. Wrong cartoon and–“
“But that is a good cartoon,” PonyGreenEyes noted. “And Plankton is my favorite character. ‘Life is good when–“
“You’re maniacal!’” The fish finished and began to cackle. Suddenly, they all noted the hook in its mouth.
“Let’s get out of here,” PonyMadWoman suggested, talking out of the corner of her ponymouth.
“Yeah, he keeps talking like he’s trying to delay us.” Pony Surprise backed out of the fish’s mouth and jumped down and they all began to row the boat before they remembered they had an engine.
“It was all a little fishy,” PonyMadWoman noted. The others let out a ponygroan and set sail once again. The trio set off across the Pacific, searching once again for clues to find the PonyPosse. They once again began asking everyone they met for information. Alas, most of them only spoke fish or sea urchin or some other dialect the ponies did not know.
“Oh no!” PonyHoneyRose groaned. “If only they had paid attention when I was speaking about my lab work in Puget Sound–“
PonyStarShine shuddered. “Not that again. Don’t make me get near that pointy balloon thing—“
“That pointy balloon thing was actually called–“ PonyHoneyRose began a long dissertation.
“It’s a tree!” PonyMistyRain said impatiently. “Or at least, it’s a sea...thing.”
PonyDaisySweet tried cleaning the ball with a tissue she’d pulled out of her own pony pack. “Oh no. I think they’re getting depressed.”
“Let’s all send them good vibes....” PonyOceanView suggested.
“Good vibes?” PonyWhiteThunder whispered. “They need a map!”
“She’s a California pony too,” PonySweetTort whispered back. “She probably has a crystal in her pack.”
“Actually, no! I do however have tickets to a Victor Garber reading. If we ever find PonyJack and get back home that is! So, stop carping and send good vibes.”
“I think they already met with the carp,” PonyPackers noted, but the all settled down with some Thornton’s chocolate and thought good thoughts.
“Clearly, German, Spanish and Italian are not working here,” PonySurprise said with a sigh as they seemed to float aimlessly. “We need to find other ponies or humans.”
“Look! A ship!” PonyGreenEyes, the navigator, called out while pointing ahead.
“How amazingly coincidental!” PonyPrancer noted. She could be sarcastic at times.
“Coincidences do happen.” PonySweetie Pie gave everyone a look. Sometimes the posse could be very cynical.
“Yes, they do. After all, DelusionalbutLucidJack was the only one who knew the only doctor who could cure his incurable radiation poisoning.”
“My point exactly. So what’s a few pirates thrown into the mix? It’s better than GothVaughn after all–“ PonyPackers noted. Personally, she thought that he would have been better looking with green and gold painted on his face than the black eyeliner, but that was just her.
“Anything’s better than AnythingVaughn,” PonyLuckyStar asserted. She has issues with Vaughn.
“Did someone say pirates?” PonyWill asked, waking up from a littleponydoze. Being a young ponyboy, he sometimes needs naps.
"Avast, me hearties!" The pirate chortled. "A little pony? Methinks pony must walk the plank!"
"Pirates?" PonyWill pranced over to the ball and peered fitfully into the poorly-lit scene. "Now there’s an idea...."
"Idea for what?" PonyOceanView asked.
"Oh nothing...." PonyWill shook his mane and retreated to ponder the notion of PonyJack with a ponyeyepatch and forcing PonyWill to walk a ponyplank unless PoorPonyWill surrendered to PiratePonyJack’s desires.... CabinPonyWill....Hmm. It might not be as good as CowPonyJack, but it had possibilities that were growing more intriguing by the moment...Oops. PonyWill rearranged his ponypack to cover his ponyparts.
“Let’s get out of here,” PonyMadWoman whispered and hit the ponygas on the ponyboat. “Those pirates look like they could eat us as an appetizer after their grog.”
“And before their onion,” PonyGreenEyes said absently as she turned
“Onion?” PonySurprise asked in confusion.
“Yes, to prevent scurvy.” PonyGreenEyes scanned the horizon.
“How did you know that?”
“I have a degree in information science. Which usually means that my mind is filled with useless trivia.”
“I wouldn’t mind if PiratePonyJack had me as an appetizer,” PonyWill whispered. He pulled a little notebook out of his ponypack and made a ponynote for future ponyfun.
The ponies sailed across the ocean. Suddenly the seas grew rough. “Oh no!” cried PonySunshineBlue. “They’re heading into a trough–“
“Yes, they are! Oh no. It’s a deep trench of darkness and disaster!” PonyMistyRain began to make a list of the supplies they might need to rescue the missing members, although she was glad PonyWill was nearby so they didn’t have to worry about his member being missing. Because that would be a terrible ponyshame.
“You mean Season three?” PonyChocolateDelights asked as she munched on a Cadbury marshmallow egg.